My brief history of blogging

Whenever I blog, I try my best to ensure that as I write I do so in a stream of conscious fashion.

I don’t edit, spell check or grammar check (hence the often run-on sentences.) Hell I don’t even check to see if whatever I wrote or said made sense. I try to keep my thought process raw on paper (or screen) as possible. While this method may be confusing for others to read, I blog for my own purposes of self reflection. I want to read the unadulterated memory of my thoughts whenever I look back upon these blogs.

I usually have don’t have a purpose or a greater message to get across when I write these blogs either. By some haphazard method the ends of my thoughts meet in an organic fashion into one theme and I usually develop some purpose in my ramblings. Maybe it’s a Jungian typology that is buried within my personality that takes over from time to time. Who knows maybe I’m a cultural superhero in disguise even from myself! Right Carl Jung?

In my earlier days of blogging I was very uncensored in my thoughts, and was freely able to do so as social networking was in its infancy, and the premise that the judgmental eyes of someone like grandma was unlikely to see anything you did online at the time. However over 6 short years times certainly have changed.

During my unadulterated blogs I would openly challenge social groups, colloquial ideologies, and draw my ever emerging circles of skepticism while further admonishing mysticism and its pervasive hold on society. I would say the blogs themselves were deep, as I would be honest with what I thought about serious topics. Some of them being so personal that today, I would never post them on facebook as I’m sure they’d offend en masse which isn’t necessarily a productive goal.

The topics I would discuss were diverse; from the ethics and basis of moral reasoning often citing Dr. Kohlberg’s psychological experiments, to more abstract topics as if I were Aristotle himself, struggling to define what was “Good” in the wake of discovering the lore I had been raised upon was mostly a lie.

Some blogs were written in secrecy out of chronic anxiety which kept me from sleeping. For a while, Claudia wasn’t in my life, because of it I had no confidential outlet to express my worries, stressors, and maladies as they unfolded unexpectedly. For about two years I developed profound insomnia while I was in the middle of my college career which of course manifested itself in my writing.

Of course when it’s 3am and you hadn’t slept for two days going on the third you tend to be a bit more irrational and cynical when blogging. However those blogs are the most special in that I focused my energy to convey the pain I was feeling at the time through abstraction. It’s as if I had developed an art form without the cheesy guise of poetry with its flauntish “I’m an artist” poise. Instead, I was somehow handed a single paintbrush of apathetic dictation to write the tales of my purposeless existence. Like an artist, I did my best to further the verstehen of myself, and to portray the calamitous need for our society to establish further meaning beyond the stories of our elders. Verstehen is a German word with an unclear English translation, however it is synonymous with the word, “Understanding” which is a prominent theme and invaluable quality in the realm of Psychology.

Of course I implored those who spent the time to read my blogs to respond with their own perspective on whatever I had written. The responses were sometimes shocking in the time and effort that people would take to convince me otherwise or further fortify my standpoint. I discovered some amazing thinkers and friends amongst those I had previously thought were just a common casual acquaintance.

After college I took hiatus from blogging for about two years, however as I recall those were probably the unhappiest times of my life. Things were well in that I had money, responsibility, I was the “Boss” at my daytime job but I once again lacked purpose. As if I refused to stop and take the time require to accept meaning as I encountered it, then meaning would no longer reveal itself to me. No matter how hard I would try via other methods such as relationships, working, acquiring distinction, and accomplishing goals it was fruitless. They were nothing but raw vanity turning into ash in my mouth in comparison to returning to that one, single, paintbrush.

However, over time and possibly as a product of neural pruning, I somehow either reached a new level of maturity or a higher stage of moral reasoning. I’m not quite as brash and bold via the pen, however I am definitely more so in person. As if the child hiding within the story replaced the shell of the individual that inhabited the real world. Because of this, I no longer need the blog to self medicate or find purpose, as I do so en vivo on a daily basis, and I happily enter open discussion with those that would challenge my ideologies. While I do occasionally write to preserve certain dates of personal discovery, it’s no longer really necessary in the grand scheme of what I value or even my happiness.

To many more nights of censorship free blogging.

-El Yoey

A little wakeup call, a little persepective, a little bit more resolve.

Have you ever had everyone around you agree that you’re doing well, but at the same time you feel like you’re failing? That you’re not doing enough? That your life is supposed to better than it is and it’s your fault that it’s not?

Generally I get the impression that others approve of who I am and what I do.

I’m a pretty busy with little free time to spare for the most part. A trait I’ve noticed to be admirable amongst the general population as productivity usually equals value. I’m eclectic in my hobbies and dabble in many activities from athletics to musical composition. For the most part I feel that I demonstrate a sense of competence from in my dealings with other people.

However recently I’ve been dissatisfied with what I’ve been actually doing with my time. It’s kind of affected my self esteem. Even though I have the general approval of my peers and mentors I’ve had a sinking feeling like I’m behind the curve in where I’m supposed to be in my life. Maybe it’s because I turned 25 and I imagined being a homeowner at this age, or that I had the overzealous impression that I was just so damn gifted that I would have found some amazing career that afforded me a six figure income while having an Adonis like physique.

What I’m having the most difficulty understanding is what this desire to accomplish more comes from. I’m sure it’s a universal feeling, in that we all wish to accomplish more than we currently do. Albeit I’m also sure there is a distribution of actual desire versus willingness to accomplish amongst the population. However it’s an emotion that anyone with the competence required to read this blog should be able to relate to.

Even more so, what if we are all ingrained with this desire to do more with the time we have given and yet regardless of our accomplishments we perpetually continue to want more? It’s even more ironic that our acquisition of epistemology is so inherently skewed. Although I understand it would be for the purpose of keeping humanity productive, as complacency doesn’t necessarily get us anywhere. However from many long nights of blogging and self reflection I’ve taken on a slightly nihilistic view of the intrinsic value of most of whatever it is that we do as we exist day to day.

However because I developed this stalwart perspective into the purpose of our actions I’ve developed a stronger sense of self esteem for the most part. Ever more so I’m relatively invulnerable to criticism of others because of this nihilistic perspective.

Basically in a cosmic sense your perspective or any criticism you have to say simply has no value to me. Now don’t think I just say it this way to sound like I’m that confident. It’s a philosophical ends that I have drawn from much introspection into the greater meaning of thought.

Hilariously a coworker that I’ve worked with since we were both 19, (that’s almost 6 years now!) asked me just YESTERDAY. “Hey are you still in SCHOOL?” in a diminutive fashion. My response was “Yes, I’m pursuing a PhD.” He responded with “Wow, well after you’ve been in school forever what kinda job will you get with that?” in a mickey mouse fashion, as if there were no value in higher education.

I responded with “Medical Research, make people live longer.” And I then proceeded to walk away. It’s hilarious, as this person dropped out of college at the age of 19, got married, had a wedding in his backyard, rented out a condo from his cousin and got a second job at target because his cultish small church taught him that we’re all going to die anyway so education doesn’t matter and good Christian men don’t let their women leave the home to work. So by having two customer service jobs 80 hours a week somehow makes you a good husband even though you never get to see you wife or kids. (I’m ranting much?) He’s the father of three children and he’s gained 80 lbs since he got married. He’s 24 (so younger than me!) and he looks like he’s 38.

It’s not as if he’s truly wrong or invalid, but I stop and wonder. Does this guy ever have self reflection? Does he ever think, “Hey, maybe I went about this whole method of life thing wrong.” I mean, I’ve sat back and thought what if I did the same as him? Although none of it is appealing to me at first glance, I’m sure there is its merit and value. However from his physical appearance and level of constant exhaustion, he looks incredibly unhappy.

What makes me shudder is that his paradigm of thought is an ubiquitous one, shared by those that fail to make judgments for themselves and rely purely on the whims of mentors. Be those mentors employers, religious figures, teachers, family etc.

Establish some values on your own for damn Pete’s sake.

All of that said I am still vulnerable to a critique that I give myself, because without it I would have never been able to be forced to face reality as it persists to be. There is value in self reflection; however it may vary from one to another.

Today I gave myself a reality check. I unfortunately did it at the misfortune of older students in my sciences class but it was just that one “Ah Ha” moment I was looking for. Basically, it’s not too late to accomplish whatever I have planned. It’s just going to take more time.

A little background: I’m a little dissatisfied that I completed my education in Psychology, in that I have no real interest in counseling others or even dealing with interpersonal conflicts. It’s just not my thing, I lack the patience and I’m too authoritarian to passionately explain the purpose of happiness to someone stuck in a cycle of perpetual dysthymia. I know there are people out there that love stuff like that, but I don’t.

I found out I hold a passion for further understanding and possibly improving the function of human physiology, unfortunately after I already graduated college. In an attempt to attend graduate school in a new subject I’ve enrolled at community level courses to meet requirements to be admitted to a biological sciences program. While I’ve done very well in the sciences at Cuyamaca it’s been a daunting task to stay motivated in what I’ve been doing. For anyone that’s majored in chemistry, the coursework is very rigorous, and in addition I’m already a college graduate. The fact that I’m asked on a frequent basis “What’s your major” is kind of weird, in that I have to give an awkward answer of “I don’t have one, because I’m taking these difficult science courses for just credit.” Which then ensues a further discussion about my purpose in life with the casual acquaintance. Very annoying.

Even if admitted to the biomedical sciences doctoral program that I applied for, I still feel unprepared. I may need yet another year of community before I am qualified to compete at the level of other students. Also, even if I was accepted to it this year, I wouldn’t be finished with grad school till I was 31 and that’s not even considering post doctoral work. I would say that this something that is kind of discouraging, in that I won’t even have had a real “Career” job until I’m in my 30’s.

However, seeing this 48 year old man working just as hard as I was doing orbital geometry was inspiring. The fact that he has to work with people on chemistry projects that are less than half his age has to be even more belittling than my little problems of already having a BA. I gained some perspective, and felt motivated that the premise of being in grad school for a long time isn’t really THAT bad. In fact, I need to be grateful that I had the ability to find enough support to return to school, as so many just aren’t able to.

In addition, I reminded myself that if it was easy, everyone would do it. I looked up some statistics, and about0.95% of the American population has a PhD. That’s less than 1%! My goal is to be in less than 1% of the most educated people in America. It’s as if I got a backhand from reality saying “Stop whining that life isn’t perfect, weakling.”

From this moment I’ve decided I don’t really care how long it takes, or if I’m judged by others for not having an established career yet, my own home etc. They can only see the value of my actions from their own clouded paradigm. Even though I’m aware my own paradigm is clouded as well, it’s my damn paradigm, and I’ve got every right to uphold what I’ve learned to value.

Here’s to the end of a very difficult semester, and to the beginning of many more that will be more challenging than the last.

Peace

-El Yoey

Jus Bloggin, 10/17/10

It’s been a while.

I wrote a blog earlier about the validity of the opinions of others, with a summarizing statement that would go along the lines of:

“I learn from everybody, yet I follow nobody.”

Adorably rebellious yes, but it does closely relate to my sentiment of the value of others and their opinions.

A lot has happened recently, and I haven’t been blogging about it. I like the fact that I used to blog regularly. In the past I had been so committed to getting my thoughts down, that I have an almost completely documented list of experiences. It’s a great tool to reflect, and to also examine how your value structure and mentality changes over time. It’s a physical reminder that something as ethereal as the purpose you maintain to exist is ever so flexible.

Over this summer I’ve had untold expenses every month just get thrown onto my lap. I’m glad I’ve financially prepared for rainy days, but it’s difficult when there is a torrential rainy day every month! I’ve managed however.

Last week I got a flat tire, of course it was un-reparable, so I had to buy a new tire. Unfortunately I have Pirelli tires, and to get a matching tread pattern, I basically had to switch out all 4 tires because they were about to become bald. I mean I did get 40k miles out of them, but I didn’t need to drop 500$ on them.

I originally went to Discount tire to try and get a tire replaced; they wanted $700 for a new set of tires on a Honda Civic… REALLY? I told him that was too much, and he “Hooked up” a sweet deal of tires AND crappy generic rims for $800………. When I reminded him I didn’t give a crap about ghetto fabulous rims and I was looking to spend LESS money, he got confused. I called Evan’s tire and they had a deal on a replacement set of Pirelli tires and it was $480 out the door. Not too shabby, but wasn’t too excited about it.

I went and got an eye exam this week, I got one because I’ve been taking art classes in addition to my chemistry courses and I kept on needing to close my right eye whenever I needed to do distance viewing.

I asked Claudia to drive me, as I knew my eyes would be dilated and it would be difficult to drive. Of course a great plan, but not so much as her leaving her keys at BJ’s the night before and then in the morning trying to make me go on my own. Definitely a party foul, however I kidnapped her anyway against her will and drove myself with her in the passenger seat. She’s unable to drive my car because it was a manual but I wanted at least a second set of eyes in the car!

My eye exam was about 20 minutes, and I was very glad I brought Claudia. I have Aichmophobia, which is kind of an irrational fear of sharp pointy things around my face. Of course there is a glowing blue sharp probe that has to jab your eyeball to test for glaucoma which caused a freakout. However Claudia kinda danced around in the background to keep me focused on something else than this thing approaching my eyeball. How nice right?

From the exam, I found out that I have astigmatism in my right eye reducing my vision to 20/30 in that eye. I got glasses, and dropped another $140 (even with insurance!) but I did get help to pick out a very sexy pair of glasses thanks to Claudia (who picked them out for me).

Claudia also took me to lunch to be nice, which I completely overate at the buffet. It was too good!

I got my glasses on Friday, and when I first got them I thought I was ripped off. Everything seemed squished and blurry. I even told the lady upfront that she wasted my time however; she told me it takes a little time to get used to lenses as I’ve never worn glasses before.

It took about a day to learn how to see out of them, and WOW…. The world went from Standard Definition to High Definition. I have relatively good eyesight without glasses; however I didn’t realize that I was missing fine detail like textures etc. A hilarious thing that I can now see is women’s makeup. I couldn’t really tell before if someone was wearing makeup to cover up or if that was their natural skin. I can see it clear as day now!

I’m especially stressed, in that I’m not prepared to apply for my Biomedical program, and the deadline is December 12^th, I still need to take the Subject Biology GRE, and I need my letters of recommendation completed. Any Biology PhD’s out there want to give little Joey a letter? :-D

I met with a man after my Friday class that is a vice president of a biopharmaceutical company in San Diego. He gave me his business card and told me to contact him, however I have no idea how to go about what to do with the GOLDEN ticket of opportunity.

I’ve been hanging out with my sister every Friday after I teach Turbo Kick recently. I’ve really enjoyed it. I kind of haven’t spent any quality time with her on a regular basis for a couple years now, it’s cool and I get to be with my nephew at the same time.

As for me not blogging as much recently, well I just basically got busy. I started writing a book, and kind of went into hiatus in writing it after reaching about 100 pages. I would continue, however whenever I tried to continue it felt like I was forcing the story instead of inspiration just flowing from some sort of buried novel in my skull as it had before. I didn’t want this to be treated as a homework assignment, or a paper I was turning in for a grade. I wanted it to be novel, and definitely an uncensored version of my thoughts behind basically everything.

I decided it would be best for me to take a break, and wait for that muse to return from whatever vacation she is taking. I believe the origin of the lack of motivation to write comes from the fact that I’m especially busy. I’m happy, but I’m busy this year. Due to there being so little time to just relax and re-examine my own personal philosophies there hasn’t been any revelations to communicate on the purpose of being.

My blogs would usually be focused on the discovery of a fallacy that I’ve noticed that society holds as some gold standard of validity. In some sort of raw and uncensored way I would point out the flaws of said logic and would beckon others to comment and agree or disagree with my reasoning.

A prime example of this would be the inability of most to understand the paradigm of thought, and how most people fail to both examine their own paradigm and how it influences what they consider to be good or evil. With the null of course being that all causations in the universe are without good or evil and it is up to the interpretation of the beholder of said quality to define such a non-existent event.

However in the age of Facebook, sensitive emotions, internet moms, and those that have never taken a solid foot into critical academia, being so uncensored and straight up saying “Your way of life is shallow and undefined” is probably inappropriate to those on the intarwebs.

I strongly hold the opinion that lovers of the truth welcome the possibility of being proven wrong. I personally almost find it exciting to be shown valid data in a given situation that completely destroys the paradigm I had built regarding a situation.

A good example is: “starving yourself throughout the day will make you fat over time. You need to eat all day to stay healthy and in shape.”

While that is a watered down and PG example of a truth, it is amazing how I know people that still want to cling to the thought that restricting food heavily for several weeks at a time is the only way to lose weight. Or that exercise is supposed to be painful, or abusive, and if you’re not suffering while working out you’re not accomplishing anything. Like the people that wear full on sweats, and an insulated jacket to a Turbo Kick class. When in fact, due to heat exhaustion they are unable to work out as hard, and they don’t burn as many calories while also endangering their lives.

I’ve always had a lack of patience for those that are easily offended to any threat on their own world view. If anything I’ve kind of have a passion to kindly paint clear pictures of said failures in reasoning. While I’m not omniscient and nobody else is, there are certain situations that people like to “Construct” as being true.

E.g, life is supposed to be difficult, nothing goes my way, I’m fat, I’m stupid, nobody helps me, etc etc.

While there is a very real distribution of these qualities I’ve also made a very strong observation that certain people actually CLING to these qualities as a definition of personality.

The one that says life is difficult has an excellent reason to attract pity for a lack of success in any endeavor, or a great excuse to not take on new endeavors because things don’t work-out in their favor.

The overweight, in that they’ve “tried everything” and still maintain their figure. While there is a true spectrum of physical body types, there are so many valid resources and counselors available to help with weight loss. How about do some real research, or even take a nutrition and physiology course at a community college? In addition for those with actual physiological issues, there are prescription drugs to treat them. However, being fat is a great way to avoid social exposure, to avoid situations that others would be less likely to be allowed to back out of. I’ve actually seen someone maintain their weight (obesity), to avoid the possibility of being in shape and being rejected by a girl. As if he WANTED to be fat to always have the reason “I’m ugly” when girls rejected him. When I pointed this out he basically lost it; however after a year of not talking to him, he lost the weight, and has his first girlfriend.

My dad falls into the category of “Nobody helps me”, and it’s been an unfortunately ingrained quality he acquired while raising us on his own. However, I’m always happy to point out in a comical fashion that he fails to ask for specific help in any feasible way whenever he pulls out that card that nobody helps him. He used to become deeply offended, but I think after some personal reflection he’s learned not to argue with a factual statement and moves on. Not the best solution, however it does keep him productive.

Truth can be painful, I will never deny that. If anything the allegorical “You can’t handle the truth” is very valid to a significant portion of the population. While I’m not advocating a Dostoyevsky mentality on the fortitude of the masses there is a clear indication that not everyone is either capable of the truth, or will be genuinely happy of the truth. One thing I have as a personal goal is if I have or raise children, that I avoid hiding facts to avoid mental pain. Not that pain is the medium in which we mature, but the aversion of reality causes far deeper emotional pain the learning how to cope with the truth. Although I’m sure telling a small child something incredibly awful is probably going to be more painful to myself than it is to them. “This is gonna hurt me emotionally a lot more than it’s going to hurt you emotionally.” Haha

Although I intend to blog again on a regular basis, I no-longer need it as much as I used to. I used to suffer from a mild anxiety, that actually stems from being unproductive I realize. As I stay productive, active, healthy, and goal oriented, the anxiety is non-existent. If anything I had a great system of self medicating through self discovery, as I came to great revelations through personal reflection and just actually writing it out. Don’t meant to get all “The secret” on you, because I personally see it as a farce but it does help to put thoughts to paper here and there. Or in my case, since my hand writing is horrific, text to screen. :-D

-Later

-El Yoey

Just journal bloggin about dragon boat’ and Blog on Establishing Values.

These past two weeks have been pretty crazy. For starters SDSU canceling my masters program while I was basically at the end of completing the prerequisites for was pretty insulting. I’m not sure where I’ll be attending in the fall but it’s all good. Where there’s a will there’s a way! I’ll figure it out.

Last week I captained a dragon boat racing team. It was difficult coordinating the event and getting so many people committed to giving up an entire day. Not to mention I was selective on whom I actually placed on the team based on a criteria of dependability and just general people skills or “team work” skills.

The event was really a success, mostly everyone showed up on time, (Except my sister for some strange reason?) Every single paddler on my team was really was into succeeding and learning how to improve their own technique. I found this interesting because only Sherman, Jon and I were the only ones with any experience (albeit limited,) in regards to this sport. I was amazed on how you can just throw a group of people into a strange and new situation and watch them embrace the challenge and set goals to grow. I guess this would apply to all facets in life, some people get it and some don’t. I just so happened to have a team full of win on Saturday and I was very pleased with how everyone really gave it their all even though the situation was so foreign to them.

I named the team “Brown Dog” after Gunther. I actually picked the name because Linda Tu (president of the organization) e-mailed me saying she needed a name and picture ASAP. I didn’t have the team together to vote on a name or get a team picture. Above my desk there is a family photo which included Gunther. I sent Linda a picture of Gunther and said we were team brown dog with a slogan I made up. She wasn’t too happy about me sending a picture of my dog as our mascot, or as our photo, but that’s ok. I’m basically the scary cat lady but with dogs. I don’t mind if I weird others out ;-).

Our first race we lost and didn’t seem to click at all on the water, albeit none of them had ever done this before and it was our first run. I actually made myself hoarse and destroyed my voice trying to count out loud over the rest of the team to try and keep the paddle stroke synchronized in just the first race!

After a team meeting following the first race, we figured out a strategy that would work for us, it was something different than I had done when I was on Mike’s team, but the strategy we tried out in the beginning (replication of last years technique.) obviously didn’t work for our specific group, so we changed it up.

We managed to win 4 times in a row following the change in our strategy. I was very happy especially as we were a team composed of novices all from an eclectic origin. With each race we improved our time, even though on the third race we were thrown off guard with an early whistle start. We were defeated on our 6th race against the sheriff’s department; however we also managed to get our team’s best time of the day. Our time was also the 3rd lowest time of all of the races that day which I couldn’t help but just be happy about. I mean, if you’re going to be defeated, you might as well perform to your best ability to avoid any possibility of regret or remorse.

Every single person I had invited expressed anxiety or hesitancy about going to do this event, and some even tried to get out of it. However at the end of the races, every single person was fired up about racing and anticipated coming back next year to compete. It’s also interesting about how you try to get people to step outside their boundaries, knowing that they won’t regret it, yet there is always that initial resistance to trying anything new. Why is it that people do that?


In the last year I’ve changed on whether or not I’ve been able to lead a group or people without really being afraid of doing so. I attribute this really to being a group fitness instructor, because every week you’re putting yourself up against a room full of strangers and close friends all at once. It’s your literal job to motivate this diverse group of people into getting one of the best workouts in their life. It’s either do or die, get paid or get replaced. If anyone has ever wanted to teach group exercise, I suggest it, it will change your perspective on the challenges of being a leader and will only make you that much more formidable. I can tell you that before last year I would have never tried and coach a team of people in a big event like this. I would have either been too scared or afraid I couldn’t pull it off. What a difference there is in my past self and now.


For the blog – (haven’t done one of these in a LONG time)


I’ve always been the type to abandon conventional wisdom. I know many, many, close friends and family that rely heavily upon the experience and tutelage of others in their decision making, how they live their lives, their purpose, their goals and basically every single thing that constitutes who they are has been inspired by those they deem to be “wise.” These wise people I’ve noticed have a trend of originating from many social groups such as: religious figures, co-workers, bosses, friendships, cultural role models, elders, motivational speakers etc. etc…

While I do find there are people that deserve my respect for their accomplishments, and their opinions and suggestions hold more weight than the opinions of others, I’ve never been the one to actually take any advice given to me as an “answer” but instead a mere suggestion based on their own personal experience. I hold little value those that constantly preach or try to drill in a perspective or guide to live by. While there are many successful people that actually make a living out of the fact that they are successful, I consider their attempt to reform others for their own sake to be shallow. As if their own productivity is based on how many people they can convert into followers of their lifestyle.

I strongly believe that not one individual on earth truly has the ‘Answer’ or the ‘Keys’ to a happy life. They only have suggestions.

It sounds juvenile I know, even bratty or arrogant but that’s just me I guess.

Keep in perspective I don’t believe there is anything wrong with following the wisdom of others closely and trying to replicate their lives. If anything I believe it keeps many people focused an on a clear path to personal development. If someone sees a personality trait they like, then seek to adopt it! You can be or do anything of your choosing. If it ain’t broke….

Through many years of personal reflection I’ve come to the realization that people at some obscure degree are on a level playing field. I strongly hold the perspective that not one individual is “better” than me at existence, nor am I better than another.

We all exist, and all of us hold in common that our existence was never chosen to be; however unlike our similar inception we all have very different levels of success in defense of the act of being ourselves and happiness within our own paradigm as adults.

As adults we have the option of freedom of choice. While generally our decision making would be considered “free” we are not truly free until we know the given outcome to any choice we make.

For an example of the façade of free choice:

No woman would make the rational choice to be assaulted; yet how many times has this happened when they were alone doing any normal activity? The name of Chelsea King comes to mind in an example of this nature. Given the knowledge that she would be attacked if she went outside at that time and day would she have made the choice to do so?

In reality her free choice was compromised by an awful person, and she was robbed of having true freedom in her decision making. This is a graphic example, but everyone also holds this in common in that there is no true free choice unless we look at decisions from a hindsight perspective. We make many mistakes or lapses in reasoning, and only find out the correct solution after the fact in many cases. Our choice wasn’t free, it was a blind choice.

One thing that makes us freer as decision makers is education. The higher level that we educate ourselves to, the more we understand the reactions to given actions, and are able to make better choices for any situation as further insight is considered in the end result; thus making our choices that much more free.

Thinking for yourself, discovering what you truly know, developing novel ideas, and new thoughts, makes you that much more free than those around you. Value knowledge, it holds the keys to literal freedom.

Also define what you value, really sit back and ponder the meaning of what is ‘good’. You would be amazed about the diversity of the definition of good amongst different people.

For me personally, I have defined ‘life’ as being something that is ‘good’, as I enjoy life and appreciate its complexities even though I may not be capable of examining life from an outside perspective or understand “the whole picture.”

Because I have defined that life is good, I am then able to define what is bad from my own chain of thought. Things that are an insult to life are henceforth bad. Such as drugs, murder, war, disease etc.

However this could contrast another’s thought, in that they could value social interaction, and things that encourage socialization, like alcohol. In their regard alcohol would be good, while from my school of thought alcohol would be an insult to life, making it bad. We are both correct in the definition of ‘good’, however our paradigm and values conflict.

May good and evil be truly only defined in the eye of the beholder eh?

I also have decided to value work through personal discovery, as work that is guided leads to productivity, I appreciate the production of novelty and of goods. The act of self reflection and thought in itself is work, so I work has even deeper value as it correlates to the product of knowledge which I find to be an ultimate good. Things that compromise work, or cause work to lose its productive value are bad. Such as poor ethics, theft, sloth, greed, wastefulness etc.

Really sit back and think outside of your social setting, for just a moment ignore what matters to others, your parents, friends, and elders. What really matters to you? What do you value?

Just think about it. (Get it? See a theme here?)

If anything I find it very arrogant when people TELL me how I need to perform, live, or act. When others believe that they hold the solution to problem that I didn’t ask in a vain effort to make me gravitate towards a true ideal for my life. While many people have the ability to provide me with allegorical guidance, they do not have the ability to tell me exactly how to approach success or happiness. Like I said before, I don’t care who you are, what you do, or what experience you may possess, keep in mind you will never have any real power over my decision making. I reiterate, once again: “I strongly believe that not one individual on earth truly has the ‘Answer’ or the ‘Keys’ to a happy life. They only have suggestions.” – Joey. P

The null is there is no answer to any given situation. Only the action, reaction, and outcome exist with our attempt to alter the independent variable. However you slice it, this will hold true from academia to packing your lunch to working in the office.

Take lightly the advice of those you consider to be “above you” or “better” than you. There is no one person that is better than you, be them a religious figure, an entrepreneur, an educator, a leader etc. etc. You hold the answer to your own happiness within you.

Relying purely upon guidance of another in my perspective is nothing shot of being mentally slothful. I understand the burden of self discovery and definition of purpose is a deep and arduous adventure not to be taken lightly. However once you take that first step closer to true freedom of thought, of expression, of philosophy, it is one of the few addictive paths that continually bestow rewards of increasing proximity to enlightenment, the confrontation of your anima, the establishment of individuality, of self worth.

Keep in mind every one person is a unique miasma of distinctive experiences, upbringing and events that conglomerate into a living form called a human. There is no real way to know what is “best” for another, as omniscience is something that is intangible for humanity to obtain. I call upon you, as a reader that continued to examine this very blog to put some thought behind your actions; I implore, decide what is best for you.

After all, it’s your life and it’s the only one you will ever have.


Peace

-Joe


Btw, if you found offense in my ramblings that is ok, the fact that you work to defend your paradigm of thought is what I truly appreciate. Just be the best you possible. ;-)