Meeting the demon of the past.

Finally facing the demons of the past.

On Tuesday (Dec 8^th) I had stayed up the entire night studying for a chemistry midterm. So I was pretty exhausted and very tired by Wednesday. I took my test that morning and kinda sloughed through the day until I got to work.

At work I was on a call “Customer service this is Joey how may I help you?” and my sister texted me “Our grandmother is in the hospital and is not expected to survive the week. Martha wanted us to know.”

Interestingly how cold I had grown to the situation. My responses consisted of. “Interesting…. diagnosis?” My sister of course being a psychologist thought I might be in some deep state of mental trauma and kept on trying to get me to explain my feelings on the situation, which ended up on being more irritating than helpful. However after facebooking, and talking to several people I decided I would go to see this woman that I really didn’t know. I decided to go, in that I knew she was still alive and I had the opportunity to go and see her before she passed. In reality if I had found out she had died after the fact I wouldn’t have felt cheated from an opportunity to basically acquire knowledge of my heritage. However since I DID have the opportunity, I acted upon it. Looking back that was some cold reasoning on my behalf.

A little family history: I have two siblings, a brother who is 7 years my senior and a sister who is 5 years older than me. So I am the youngest child by a good amount of years. Long story short the mother of the family basically suffered from some unknown psychological illness at the time and a divorce occurred when I was 6 months old winning custody of her children. My “mother” or Nina, was very abusive, almost to an abstract level. While it may have been attributed to mental illness the things that were done were basically inhuman. Luckily I was only 4 years old at the time that my dad actually removed us from her home so I don’t remember much except for some specifically horrific events. However, my brother and sister lived through much worse and of course remember more due to them being older. In addition my “grandmother,” or Antonieta, was equally abusive and I also share basically the same sentiment between the two.

For the most part, being 24 years old, I had forgotten about that life, and I had forgotten about those people. I’ve never really missed having a mother. I have a dad, a brazen and impatient individual today; but still, he provided and cared for the 3 of us on his own. Definitely a trooper, in addition to dealing with basically traumatized children he handled a score of medical issues from my jaw being maligned from being broken and healed incorrectly (By my mother.), to handling the effects of illness from malnutrition, skin diseases, sociological problems etc. all within the first year of receiving us. I never felt left out, or unlucky for not having a mom. In fact, I am very lucky to have the dad I do.

Of course upon hearing this news it brought back memories, many forgotten memories but memories nonetheless. Have you ever forgotten something as a child or teenager but only revisited the thought as an adult? Isn’t it interesting how maturity and resilience can really affect the thought process on a previously melancholically harbored issue?

I discussed with my sister a lot via text about going to visit Antonieta. The pro’s, the con’s, all of it. She was very sensitive about this issue even though she was acting as if it wasn’t affecting her. Ahh the Perry method of handling things I’d say. Anyway, I would have gone alone after my sports wrapping final on Thursday except she had basically forbade me from going sort of insinuating that I may not be able to mentally handle meeting that family.

I waited until about 4pm, when Monica (sister in law) offered to go with me, which still would have been to the dismay of my sister in that she wanted my brother or herself to go with me. I didn’t inform my sister of my logistical plans on going until after I had already gone.

I purchased some flowers at the Food4Less next to Target. Upon entering the store I realized I had some odd emotions surrounding that Food4Less. The only times I ever specifically entered that store is when I bought flowers to bring to either a funeral or something close of that nature. Kind of weird to have strong emotions when entering a specific store isn’t it?

I arrived at Grossmont Center and picked up Monica to so we only had to park one vehicle in the Grossmont Hospital parking structure. We entered the ICU and very easily gained access to her room. I was told by the nurse that only two people can enter her room at a time, and one person was in there already. So we would have to ask that person to leave if we wanted to both go in. Monica, told me to go in first, not really knowing who or what was in there yet. I went in and saw a very frail small woman on life support. My grandmother was much smaller than I had imagined, and she must have at least been late 80’s in age. I saw a woman sitting by her bed who is best described to look like the Eskimo lady from the Simpson’s movie that Homer runs into during his time in Alaska.

Of course me, playing the role of strange man entering this room caused a bit of an awkward silence. I turned and looked at this woman sitting by the bed and said. “Nina?” She responded with “Yes, who are you?” “Hi I’m your son.” I shook her hand firmly but with a great amount of distance. She had mistaken me for Paul, in which I responded “No, I’m much younger.” She just said my name “Joey.” and stared at me for a short period of time. She responded with a simple question; the only question she asked me that entire evening, which was: “Where have you been?” In reality what appropriate response is there to a question like that? “I responded with “I’ve been me, what have you been?”

There was awkward silence for a moment, in which I interrupted and asked, “So what is wrong with her?” In pertinence to Antonieta who was in a comatose state, she explained she really didn’t know, except she had fallen the week before. She explained how she wanted a new doctor in that the current one only has grim outlooks on the situation. Completely understandable and I would probably have similar sentiments if it were my dad in that bed.

She started off with “I’m surprised you recognized me.” I answered with a simple, “No I didn’t I just assumed it would be you of all people here.”

What happened next is where I appreciate that I did not meet Nina until I was 24. I am so glad that I didn’t see this individual until I was prepared to handle who or what she is. I think there was some grand scheme involved here, in addition to the fact that I was educated in the field of Psychology, and my dad had basically conditioned his children to be fairly resilient in most all situations.

She said she was surprised that I recognized her had originated from the fact that her face was swollen from the surgery “they” did to her so that her children would not recognize her and refuse her as their mother 20 years ago. She said her appearance was distorted due to an identity thief that assumed her identity and distorted her physical appearance so that no-one would recognize her. She even said that there were breast implants in her cheeks. (Her cheeks looked normal, and of course, similar to the shape of my own face.) She said this all calmly, with a flat affect.

Of course the first thing that came out of her mouth being so deranged was a shock. However it was an excellent buffer to myself for the rest of the conversation.

I spent the next hour listening to her. I was curious what she had to tell me. My whole life I had literally dreams of one day meeting this woman that I basically owe my existence to. I had so many things to say, I’ve wanted for years to place every single one of my accomplishments before her and say “Look at all that I’ve done; without you.”

It’s funny how we convince ourselves how certain scenarios will play out. As if we have some sort of clairvoyant ability to distinguish the reaction to any action within our own colloquial settings. Ever finally have something happen and it doesn’t play out at all like you imagined? Ever anticipate finally getting your shot at proving something grandiose but at that very moment all you really feel are sour grapes? –Joey. P.

She provided many stories, most untrue to an extreme level, and every once in a while there was a slight sliver of truth that would come true; an interesting fact or morsel about the life of my parents before the divorce: a fond memory, a story of my father that was true, information about herself that held interest, something substantial. For the most part however, it was all about the government conspiracies that took her children away from her to reap benefits from the social services sector and to conduct experiments on her. Or detailed stories about how evil my father was, and how he was conducting some sociological experiment on her today to make millions. She even said my aunt on my dad’s side was in on the experiment, and said that she was attacked by her. I took a moment to correct her and say that “Charla passed away about 2 years ago.” She told me it was all a government cover up and she was still alive but under a new identity.

Occasionally I grew bored of her stories, and would ask a question here and there about something that mattered to me. “What was your degree in? How old are you? Do you have any questions for me?” Each time I asked something relevant she would avoid my question and continue on with her stories. Almost as if I never asked.

As she spoke, I stood in the same spot and listened, literally in awe of how she perfectly fit the DSM-4 diagnosis of a schizophrenic with a categorization of paranoid/disorganized. She had the grandiose self image, the hallucinations of persecution, the belief of her own confabulations right down to the flat affect especially to emotional stimuli such as meeting your son.

She was disinterested in me. She did not ask things that you’d expect a mother to ask her son upon meeting him for the first time in 20 years. There were no: “You look handsome, Are you dating anyone? Are you married? Do you have a job? Did you go to college? What food do you like? What are your hobbies? What were your birthdays like? Did you ever think about me? How are your brother and sister?” There was none of that. Like I said earlier, the only question she ever asked me was. “Where have you been.” The rest of what she had to say was just explanations of what had happened at the time I was taken from her.

To demonstrate how devoid of compassion or even of interest she had for me, she explained several times how if she could she would have had her uterus removed at a young age so she could have never had children. In the very same conversation that I introduce myself as her son she decides it’s important that I knew this information. Of course having her uterus removed would have been for the purpose of preventing the government from taking her children away and farming them through the foster care system and having them beaten by their father. “I was never in foster care.” I told her. “My dad raised us, and to be honest, he’s never hit me before even though I probably deserved it at some point.”

She actually had the gall to say this one line, that I really will never forget her saying unfortunately. “Well I’ve never hit you guys before either, let me correct myself, I spanked all three of you once so that way your friends at school wouldn’t make fun of you for not knowing what it’s like to be spanked.”

I wanted to laugh; I wanted SO BADLY to correct this woman. However, for some reason I didn’t need to. I didn’t need to tell her how wrong her ideologies were. I no longer had the desire to display my lifetime of accomplishments before her, I didn’t care anymore. I stood there and just gazed upon her with an abstract pity. Did I reciprocate the same lack of compassion that this person displayed to me but in a passive way?

The entire time Monica was texting me, and I utilized the fact that Monica was waiting outside to end the conversation and leave. Upon telling her that I needed to go, I said. “It was nice to meet you, by the way. I’m 24 years old.” Yes a tad passive aggressive, but clearly indicative of the fact that she was disinterested in me and I had noticed. She responded with “Of course I know your birthday.” I almost wanted to ask: really when is it? But of course it didn’t matter to me anymore. I simply left after that. No good bye, no hug, not even a handshake.

In the aftermath of meeting Nina, almost anyone that has known me for longer than a year basically had a million questions about what transpired. I literally grew a little tired from telling the story. However I did feel loved that so many people were concerned about how I was doing and how many people offered their shoulder to cry on if needed. I have some amazing friends if you think about it.

Afterwards I wasn’t upset like I had imagined. My brother had accidentally met her 2 years before while shopping. He was an emotional wreck for several days afterwards. I was expecting to be in the same condition in reality. Unfortunately I still haven’t shed a tear in response to this whole situation. I’m assuming the profound confusion and hurt towards the things she would say or how she acted would invoke such a strong response in my brother. I’m sure he had his own ideal of what it would be like to see that woman again. I’m assuming it was very different that what he had imagined.

Maybe I’m not upset as I thought because of the discipline that I chose to become educated in. Maybe it instantly tempered my thought process from having grand expectations, especially after the remark that “They” had altered her appearance. Maybe I’ve become that resilient of an individual from the close relationships I’ve formed throughout my life. Who knows?

I don’t intend to see her again, as I’ve seen enough of what that person is. I do wish her well however, and hope that she receives appropriate help.

All in all, with everything that’s happened. I still feel like I’m a pretty lucky guy, that’s had a pretty lucky life, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

-Joey

November bday/summary blog

Summary blog of birthday/November

My birthday this year was one of the best by far. I had so many people wishing me happy birthday on my actual birthday that my cell phone died by 11am. That’s insane.

My birthday landed on a Saturday this year, which was pretty convenient seeing as how I wanted to go to Disney since it’s free on your birthday.

The Thursday before my bday I was surprised by tons of people at BJ’s bar and grill. It was pretty funny as Claudia told me we were going to get a “pizookie” yet she totally overdressed and felt that she needed to take extra long in the parking lot to discuss random facts with me before going inside. She’s a funny one ;-)

I had a lot of fun and was very appreciative, normally my bday kinda slides by a little unnoticed. I felt loved!

The next night my dad took me downtown to little Italy to the first Filippi’s that started in San Diego. Ruth (aka informal stepmom) came and we had a lot of fun. Ruth and I are kinda like two peas in a pod. We both have a kind of sarcastic dry humor that requires a little bit of a seasoned palate to really enjoy. She gave me a visa debit gift card which was VERY useful as I was going to Disneyland the next day.

The actual day of my bday Arleen came over and we headed up to Vanessa’s house for her to drive us the rest of the distance. My sister was SUPPOSED to go with us, but kinda flaked last minute. I was excited to take my sisters car too as she had just purchased a vehicle which I dubbed “battle cruiser” (a Nissan Armada).

Disney was of course fun, and even better NOBODY was there! We were able to go through both California adventure and Disney land about 2 times each. I think it can be attributed to the fact that the Halloween decorations were already taken down and the Christmas decorations hadn’t been put up quite yet. It actually was one of the BEST times I’ve had there. It was overcast all day, there were no lines, no rain, we ate at the ESPN sports center which is waaay better food than inside the park, and I had GREAT Company from Arleen and Vanessa! Both are very easy going, very nice and 100% low stress. Have you ever been to some place that’s supposed to be fun and the people you’re with are so high strung that it kinda kills it? Not those two! Perfect Theme park buddies!

Even better is that Vanessa is an incredibly seasoned Disney pro; not to mention if I even had a slightest curiosity about a Disney fact she almost has a clairvoyant ability to provide such info about anything Disney.

Sunday after my bday was a special treat as well. I taught for Vosh at Rancho San Diego. Unfortunately the batteries were dead on the headset. However Mark actually managed to run out of class, buy batteries, and return before the warm up was over! I taught round 38, and kinda mixed up the round a bit since I didn’t quite have all of 38’s sections down yet.

After turbo Claudia and I went to Jamba and then showered. She took me to sushi in Rancho San Diego at a place called Tabu. I ate a TON of sushi let me tell ya. We tried a “kai” roll which included black caviar. Meh, never really been into fishy poprocks… Oh well at least I can say I’ve had it!

Following lunch she took me to La Jolla and surprised me with a Couples Massage from her work at Bird Rock Massage.

For starters let me tell you, professional massage salons have amazing amenities, not to mention HEATED massage tables! We both got a massage from two very talented massage therapists and afterwards we walked down to the pier and watched an amazing sunset. I almost felt intoxicated from how happy I was!

To make sure it was a memorable day, we went to see paranormal activity. ONLY because I DON’T watch scary movies. The only other real option was the new Christmas Carol movie out but it was only available in 3D, and it would cost about $30 for the both of us to see it. Kinda lame.

Paranormal Activity was really good actually. I HATE scary movies for the most part because I find them kinda disgusting and overly graphic. I don’t find mutilation scenes scary, I find them disturbing. However Paranormal Activity was more just freaky and a good scary movie. Totally happy with my movie experience.

This month has been pretty hard. I found out that a Chem class I’m taking I can’t substitute for Credit No Credit, so I’m forced to get a letter grade. Unfortunately when talking about grad programs anything less than an A is looked down upon so I’ve been stressed in regards to that as well.

I had a minor surgery this month as well a hydrodistention for a genetic condition called interstitial cystitis. Very painful, lots of bleeding, and lots of pain meds, however it was effective in treating the condition. Unfortunately during general anesthesia they injured my back left molar somehow. I now have serious cold sensitivity and cannot eat on my left side. I have to somehow go back and explain that they should fix this situation but that seems like a headache just thinking about it. In addition it’ll probably require a root canal if it’s an irreversible pulpitis. Even worse Claudia was in Kentucky the entire week so I was alone at home most of the time. However Arleen took me home and stayed at the hospital during my surgery and also hung out with me the rest of the day which I was VERY happy she did.

Thanksgiving was held at my sister’s house and she had 17 people eating there! I thought we’d run out of TURKEY! My dad made several deserts including an amazing cheese cake and a rustic apple pie. I normally don’t like fruit pies as there is no texture left to the fruit. I love it when the pie has an actual consistency and the fruit retains some of its original form.

For my black Friday shopping, I bought a dishwasher. Yes a Dishwasher. And I’m waiting for it to be installed.

November was kind of hard on me fitness wise. I was only really able to do turbokick during my class I teach on Fridays and worked out sparingly inbetween.

When I don’t workout it actually affects me on a mental level in addition to feeling sluggish. It’s as if I have a little bit of dependence on exercise to feel normal and in a positive mood. Oh well, the school semester is almost over and I’ll be able to resume my normal physical activity regimen.

Alright I’ve got lots of online homework so back to the grind!

Life is moving along nicely :)

Jus’ blogging!

On Thursday I leave to camp Turbo! Wooo hoo!

Lots of things have been going on. I’m making a transition from working to being a student again and of course it’s a lot more complicated than it really should be. Not to mention reorganizing my finances to live on practically a quarter of the income that I’m used to. However no-body ever said getting a masters degree would be easy and it is definitely something that is worth it in terms of sacrificing some quality of life over the next few years. Dual masters of exercise physiology and nutrition here I come! I would one day enjoy being an article writer on fitness and well being for a magazine or column. Is Men’s health hiring? Haha.

Yesterday I ordered new service from SPRINT, I'm switching from HELIO. Helio was bought out by Virgin Mobil and there hasn’t been any new technology or phones in a while. I ordered the Palm Pre, so I hope to have a lot of fun with my new gadget. I’m a techy and I LOVE stuff like that ;-)

Last night Michelle came back home from the south, and Melina was in San Diego from Iowa. I went to a party to hang out with them and I had a great time catching up with friends. It was like a little reunion!

Today I took Claudia and Mya to the park. We were gonna fly kites but we decided to just play fetch with Mya and lay in the grass. I had a REALLY nice day today. Not to mention it is GODS GIFT that Claudia is a massage therapist. She basically fixed my shin splint I’ve been getting. Seriously, amazing.

I’ve had my first regular class at Rancho Penasquitos for 3 weeks now and I am 100% LOVING being an instructor. The staff at my gym is friendly as ever, and the members that take my class can seriously turn it up! I remember when I was 17 and I was kinda DRAGGED into a TKB class in El Cajon by my friend Johnny. I was like… “Group exercise? Naaaaah that’s cool I’ll just go run while you do that.” Haha little did I know! It was actually Mike’s class in El Cajon. Anyway I was awful at the class and felt like EVERYBODY was staring at the uncoordinated white boy in the back haha. However I got one of the best workouts ever and it basically took all guess work out of having an excellent cardio workout. I kept on giving it a shot and I got better at it each time! Not to mention I learned an important lesson that working out doesn’t have to be WORK! It’s FUN! ;-)

Fast forward 6 years and here I am now! The class in PQ has grown each week and I have met a LOT of people already! I look forward to my class during the week and love teaching! Before I actually had a class I was worried it would be stressful or I would constantly mess up or whatever. After the first class all that negative thinking just seemed to melt away and I knew this was going to be one of the best experiences I’ve had in my life!

I had my first group X evaluation by my area manager and it went fantastic! I did not need a follow up evaluation and the regional manager is supposed to come down to take my class sometime soon! My GX manager told me she got goose bumps ;-). I’m so glad I had SO MANY excellent mentor teachers that really took the guesswork out of an awesome class. Not to mention if I ever needed information on fitness I had basically 12 different people with years and years of experience to ask.

Last year I got up to 183 lbs, and while I held the weight well and didn’t look too “fat” I was totally miserable. I had a terrible attitude constantly, and I never seemed to be in a good mood. Not to mention the crap I would eat quickly was getting expensive. Since December of 2008 I’ve lost 23 lbs, and got my 6pack again! Whoo hoo! Not to mention ever since I became physically active and took the time to invest in myself, I’ve been happier and definitely have had the energy to accomplish goals and develop as an individual.

Taking care of my body hasn’t been just something for aesthetics. I mean of course “looking good” is always a plus that anyone wants; but when I actually placed my physical condition as a priority my mentality changed in general. It was a sort of shift in cognition that happened slowly and was subtle at first, but now is as apparent as daylight. Now a days I do more, I accomplish more; I eat right without having to feel cheated in what I’m eating. Eating right comes naturally; being active is ingrained, being productive in a necessity.

I haven’t been this happy in years. And I look forward to many more years of this.

School registration in 2 days, camp turbo in 4 days, hip hop hustle cert in 3 weeks. Whats the next stepping stone?

To the Claudia

Claudia,

I admire you.

In all of my brazen chaotic ways and characteristics from shameless ignorance to pure intellectual clairvoyance you’ve always stood un-intimidated. You’ve been the only one willing to go to the edge and back for the sake of providing a congruency between you and me.

Who knew that a sister of a friend would mature into a woman who is virtuous decades beyond her time while possessing immeasurable naiveté and trustworthiness in an austere quantity.

You’re easily marred, yet never easily offended. You’re delicate and sensitive yet whatever causticity I have you never waiver. You’re as profound as I in thought but you’ve never even dabbled in a sense of arrogancy. You’re well beyond capable of relating to the simplest of individuals while standing toe to toe with the prodigal.

And now, by many years of cognitive development and personal reflection into your own existence;

You have proven to not only yourself but others that you are to be respected.

I lovez uz woman.

-Joey

Jus Bloggin! Turbo, Pauls 30th Bday!

June has been a great month, I've made great strides toward long term goals and I've refreshed friendships while keeping a focus on priorities!

In the beginning of this month I was offered a teaching position at the Rancho Penasquitos gym which is simply AMAZING to imagine. Shy Joey teaching turbo! I did awesome during my interview and I owe it to my friends at team extreme and of course Jeannette for being such positive influences and just rockin' instructors!

Who'da thunk positive reinforcement works so well?

Last week I team taught with Ai-chan round 37 at the Balboa gym. It went well! I was very worried about teaching actually because it was a brand new round and I hadn't practiced teaching it to others quite yet. I did fantastic and Ai-chan is such a champ to team-teach with! She has a great ability to be perceptually attentive to others along with her incredibly positive persona.

On friday I went up to the Escondido La Terraza 24hour to get trained in the 24hour computer system and learn the scheduling agent. I'm not able to add the east county or san diego clubs to my swapboard yet until I'm established in North County, but I look foward to when I can!

I am blown away by all the little perks that 24hour fitness offers! I was able to get the body bugg this weekend for a very low price along with some BLACK Nike shirts for camp turbo!

(bringing sexy black anyone?)

This Thursday I'm going to take off work in the morning to go team teach with Ai at College Grove at 9:00am, I'm excited as always!



My Brother turned 30 on Friday, and the family went to Marecharios in El Cajon for dinner that night. I remember LOVING that place as a kid but now it tasted like REALLY salty Italian food. I didn't enjoy it at all. Either my palette has advanced or that place has gone down hill. I also realized in general I don't eat that heavy anymore and I had an upset stomach for the majority of the night.

It was funny, we all dressed nice etc, but here is my older bro, the bday boy, wearing a construction tshirt with stains and cargo shorts. Unshaven and lookin like heck! It was funny Monica was embarrassed but when I reminded her shes the one that said "I do" for him she got MAD cause I guess thats EXACTLY what my brother tells her all the time! I guess my dad did teach us some bad habits eh? Haha

My sister brought her baby to dinner as well. It was actually crazy to see how much my sister ATE! All my life shes eaten like a BIRD but now that she's nursing she ate WAY more than I did. It was actually pretty funny to see her staring at the cake. Since when did she even like cake?

Saturday night I volunteered to be Pauls DD for his b-day festivities. We went to PB bar and grill and I got some seriously over priced tacos. The bar scene is definitely different when you're sober let me tell ya! I didn't realize how funny drunk people are, not to mention EMOTIONAL and sensitive!

I kinda made a couple realizations while eating. I typically thought I got along with most every one and hadn't really found an archtype of person that I don't get along with but I was wrong! My brother has two new friends from work that I could just NOT STAND. It was like, WOW, seriously? They had very abrasive personalities and aggressive demeanor in general which exacerbated further into the night with alcohol. I realized I have little patience for people like that, but oh well. I guess it was also a realization of something I can work on!

I mean at 29 and if you have two children, you really shouldn't care if someone bumps into you at a club. Why on earth is it important for you to go screaming after that person and threaten them? Yes they reeked of a lack of class.

I more thought of the night as a sociology experiment!

Haha, after I brought them home I watched the Dark Knight with paul in his house and crashed at home at nearly 3am.

I went to Vosh's class the next morning at Rancho and had fun with round 37 as usual. I'm READY to teach this round already!

After that I hung out with the lovely Claudia and spent the afternoon at Ivan's. I had a nice weekend actually.

Now I'm at work, and I'm looking foward to being off in the next 10 mins!

Haha

Later homies

-Joey

Chalene! Interview!

Chalene's class, My interview, crazy week!

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Today at 5:47pm | Edit Note | Delete

Yesterday I went to college grove and took a road trip from there in Able's excursion to the OC! Team extreme crashed Chalene's class and did round 37 right from the source! 


Her class is crazy and Chalene is so CRAZY! She has the best personality, she is also very welcoming and genuine I loved it! She talked to me about my audition the next day and gave me some really great pointers on making an excellent first impression and how to overcome first performance fears! It was really awesome!

We stayed for her Hip Hop Hustle class and that was very foreign to me. I really can't dance, I never have been able to, and probably never will but hey, it was fun and it was taught by THE chalene!

She says hilarious stuff while teaching too, my favorite was the "I'm not ok with the lack of passion in your booty pump." comment she made haha. She also taught up how to give a big booty illusion using our elbows. Sounds crazy I know, but it works!

After that our team decided we deserved a good lunch and went to cheesecake factory. It was really, good! We headed back and it was kind of a slow car ride back home, we were all tired from working out and eating way too much food!

This morning I had planned on going to work but I was tired and wanted to practice and practice what I was going to say before and after teaching. After kinda lounging around and practicing I headed to rancho bernardo for my interview. I met Christina, which is an AMAZING manager from what I've seen so far. Very effective and organized communicator and she did her best to make sure I understand the hiring process including pay rates, benefits etc. I liked that she was so frank about the position. It takes a lot of time and hassle out of it!

She asked me to teach an imaginary class, and I chose round 35, the round I was certified on!

I basically did the warmup and the punches section and she stopped me. She gave some great feed back on mirroring the audience, and working into the crowd to improve teacher-student connection along with how to give an incentive to return the next week. It was a great learning experience!

The best part? She loved it! I'm to contact the services manager at that gym to take care of HR business, and next week or so she is going to give me some official 24hour protocol training, but after that I'll be an official 24hour fitness employee! 

How cool is that? I got the job!!

Anyway, I'm about to head home from my office, it sounds like a night to celebrate with sushi with my favorite person, CLAUDIA!!!

Been sleeping at my sisters house! (bloggin')

Been sleeping at my Sister’s house! (blogging)

 

So this weekend I went kayaking on Sunday and it was fun, I liked it and had a really nice day. Sunday night I went grocery shopping for my dad and it took for fuking EVER. God he has so much crap on his grocery list it’s retarded. I didn’t even finish shopping and I have to go again this week.

 

Monday I went to work as usual. At One Stop recently its kinda hard to be motivated here. Its like I want out of this place like…. NOW. I saw pictures of Mark Labella from his myspace and seeing all the stuff hes doing and pursuing his graduate program in medical school really makes me almost frustrated but very motivated to continue my education.

 

I REALLY WANT THE DAMN GRAD SCHOOL.

 

Anyway I went over to my sister’s house and an older family friend was there, and I was kinda bored so I went over to her gym in Rancho Penasquitos. It’s a very nice gym and I enjoy working out there. All the people there are kinda hard –core serious and don’t even make facial expressions while working out. Haha, but I did get a good weight training workout as they have every possible exercise there along with a huge array of free weights.

 

I went back to my sisters house, showered and washed my face with this honey scrub she has in her shower. It literally feels like Im putting honey on my face… weird.

 

Anyway I slept in her bed, and she sleeps with the baby so I stayed on the far edge. She has a king size bed, but still I was NOT about to roll over on this baby!

 

I woke up, and prepared a scrumptious breakfast and left to work.

 

Basically the same schedule yesterday,  I worked all day, went to her house, and  I went to the gym again, The funny thing is that the SAME people I saw on Monday were working out AGAIN on Tuesday lifting weights. I thought it was funny cause there most of them are like hardcore Asians or culturally devoid middle easterns wearing designer shoes to lift weights with like 30 squirts of whatever spicy ass cologne they wear. .. Very annoying. Still interesting to see how serious people take fitness up there.

Came back to her house, slept and got up again. I like staying at her house cause he fridge is stocked with tons of organic ready to eat food. I wonder how much she spends on groceries! Anyway I’ve been eating well because of it!

 

Last night I was sore from weight training for two days so I decided to just hang out, she had an other friend over (her friends keep on coming in and out I swear) and we watched slumdog millionaire.

 

Good movie, kinda violent. Makes me happy I didn’t grow up in a third world country that’s for sure.

 

Got up this morning and here I am! I’m gonna try to get off work early to see that fighter movie, we’ll see. If  not I’ll workout tonight since I took yesterday off.

 

I really enjoy this new habit I have of the gym. I generally sleep better in general and I’ve kinda redistributed my body composition in a relatively short amount of time.

 

I had an e-mail last week from 24 hour fitness requesting additional information about myself and times I’m available to possibly come into an interview. I hope I get a response soon!

 

I was thinking, about the grad school. If I’m attending school full time then I don’t need to make the payments on my student loans. I could stay at wawnesa part time and go to school again fulltime but it leaves me exposed insurance wise. I need to figure out my options, plus now that Im supporting my dad I don’t know if I can take that much of a paycut.

 

Bah growing up sucks.

 

Anyway I just felt like bloggin’

 

 

Later krakkas!

 

--Joey

 

Jus Bloggin

So on Friday morning I taught at Grossmont Center 24 hourfitness for the first 15 or 20 minutes of the class of turbo kick which consisted of the warmup and the punches section. I did very well! I am excited at the opportunity that Jeanette is giving me to practice in front of a group of people like that, and I intend to use that experience well! When I go again this Friday I intend to REALLY let some energy out and get those people PUMPED! 

After my morning workout I went to work and slaved away there, I got off of work a little late, but went and got a haircut, and then went and did my dad’s grocery shopping and I went all the way to the Ralphs in Rancho San Diego, cause I HATE the Ralphs in El Cajon.

I spent $200 on groceries for TWO PEOPLE, WTF!>?! 

Anyway after that I made something to eat and I hit the gym quickly and then went and slept at bisky’s and went to work in the morning. 
It was a busy freaking day at work, and I didn’t have any time to start reading my new book “How to be a personal trainer for dummies.” After work I went home and I ate with my dad, who happened to make a roasted ham and his potato salad with his famous baked beans. I ate like a hog and took a nap around 6:30 which intended to only be until 8 when I woke up at like midnight, going “ WHERE AM I ?!” haha. So I went online for about 20 mins and went back to sleep until 8 in the morning the next morning. 


On the way to turbo kick that morning I ran into a woman named Robin Osbourne, she had actually helped my dad get us from my mom when I was a toddler, I barely remembered her, but she gave me her number and asked my dad to call her. I wonder if he’s called her yet?

After that I went home, showered (since I’m stinky after turbo) and got my laundry ready to go to my sister’s house for Easter (The dryer is broken). I had fun at her house, and her new little baby is such an angry baby! Oh well newborns aren’t supposed to be fun! Alana was freaking hilarious and we got a lot of pictures of her egg hunting etc. We ate and I hung out for a while and then worked out at the Rancho Penasquitos gym and headed home from there.

Its funny working out in a different city, the people are always different. In El Cajon its scary gym rats and middle easterns, in rancho its trendy white people and RICH middle easterns, in Rancho Penasquitos its super buff Asian dudes that look like they are crying as they work out haha. 


After that I went home. And started work again yesterday.
Monday morning I had to call Wawanesa and turn down the job offer I got for an OCR position. It was sad, I really wanted it but they didn’t offer me enough money to live on. So I couldn’t afford it. I’m waiting for a customer service position to open up and I intend to apply for it at the first chance I can get. I am SO OVER working for John....

I taught all of round 36 on Tuesday night, and I am very inspired to do well as an instructor. I am anxiously awaiting Friday! 

I started reading my book “How to be a personal trainer for dummies” today and it’s a very well written book. I intend to enjoy my time reading it and hopefully with the book that bobby bought me about starting a small business I can get some clientele working! 

I am excited about the changes happening to my body and after only 3 months of weight training my strength has increased dramatically. I intend to diet soon to get a bit more shredded looking but I don’t intend to start dieting till may 15th. I’m still bulking up! I took a new profile picture today and it’s crazy to see my body change over 5 years. I’m excited for the future!

-peace cabrones

Joe

Weekend summary!

 

So on Thursday night I stayed up late practicing round 36 cause Jeanette (an instructor who trained me) told me I was going to be teaching the next weeks class, and I did not have any idea what part of the round I was going to do!

 

So I stayed up till like 2 am furiously turbo kicking haha, but it paid off! However I’m starting to get a usage injury in my right ankle that I need to take care of.  I bought an ankle supporter and am going to take it easy on it this week, no more turbo till Friday I’m just going to weight train this week.

 

So on Friday morning I taught the beginning of Jeanettes class and it was SCARY! There were so many people and my head set wasn’t on my head right and I added some extra moves on accident! But it was still good and I am excited for next week at grossmont center when I teach the punches section!

 

So Friday morning my sister started labor and headed over to the hospital, I was told not to go over right away so I got off of work, did chores etc then headed over there at 9. I was there till 3 AM, omfg and she hadn’t even started pushing yet! I had to go as I had to go to work in the morning … omfg I was sooo bitchy at work and the reps kept on having crazy customers call in. It was very frustrating and I just realized right now as I’m typing this blog I forgot to leave the letter for the division supervisor… ohh well.

Anyway after work I wanted to head over to the hospital but my sister was trying to get some sleep, so I went home and crashed as well cause I was so damn tired, as her baby wasn’t born until 8am, I slept until almost 10pm, and I went over to BB’s to watch the james bond movie that came out last year. The effects and action was cool, but the story line sucked. I still don’t even know what was going on.

I went to turbo kick this morning and Mike was the teacher, and of course I got pointed out haha! It was fun though, he had me stay at the front on the right side and it feels good getting experience being in front of a crowd. Im totally shy and I’ve GOTTA get over that lemme tell you!

After that I went home and showered, I was going to go to the hospital but ang was sleeping, so I headed to la jolla shores where I met my coworkers all huddled up at this beach shack renting kayaks, so we headed directly out and started kayaking as soon as I got there. They had a volleyball net set up earlier I guess but I guess they were told they had to take it down. Anyway I shared a kayak with monita  or (bon qui qui) haha. It was fun, and I got a great shoulder workout, I also got the chance to knock everyone off of their boat when they headed back to shore as monita and I were at the shoreline first. Sexy team work at its finest! I had to park INCREDIBLY far away and my spray sun screen was kinda broken so I kinda had to smear it on. I hope I didn’t get burnt or anything…

Anyway after kayaking for 2 hours they wanted to meet at the innout in mission, and I ate there. I headed to the hospital afterwards and got to meet my little nephew Judah Allan Presley, and hes a fussy little monster! I hung out there for about 4-5 hours and then headed to claudias house to get mayer a massage.

I hung out with claud for a little bit after her massage and then I just got home, gave the bitches some love, and I got in bed.

 

Im trying to do some laundry right now but I think the dryer broke….

 

So yea..

 

 

Anyway that was my weekend, I have a job interview tomorrow with OCR at wawanesa and Im pretty excited!

 

Later cabrones

 

Joey

Hate this economy! Seriously Right now I work 70 hours a week with my full time job sucking horrendously! Plus throw group exercise on top of that and I have NO FREE TIME! I mean really, all I want is like 40k+, benefits, and 40 hours a week. I have a degree, management, and tons of office experience and am technically adept and relatively well spoken! WTF WHY NO JOB! haha

I taught a complete Round 35! I have a job interview tomorrow!

So last night I taught round 35 from start to finish and incorporated 3 turbo sections! Overall it was about an hour and 20 min workout but the girls there were DEAD by the end! However I finally started to incorporate motivational energy instead of just cueing moves, which I intend to work on more on Thursday’s class!

I received round 36 in the mail but haven’t gotten to it yet. Maybe this weekend or Friday Claudia and I will go over it.

There is only a couple weeks left before my deadline to apply for a teaching job at a gym passes! I have till April 15^th to apply! So it’s turbo every week as much as possible till I’m ready!

On April 7^th Claudia and I are going to start the process to be ACE certified (American Council on Exercise) for group fitness, and I intend to get my personal trainer certification following that shortly from ACE.

 

The BIG news is though that I have A JOB INTERVIEW TOMORROW! I am applying for a claims adjuster trainee position at Wawanesa and I was called for a job interview tomorrow. I am very excited at this opportunity and I definitely am excited at the prospect of becoming completely adept in this field.  Plus if I get the job I’ll only have ONE JOB! I’ll be able to focus on fitness again and enjoy LIFE a little! Seriously though!

 

Alright short blog today, maybe update lata?

 

Peace cabrones

 

Joey

Happier than I’ve been in a while!

 

So, things are going well with group exercise. I have already improved on teaching and my friends at work who come to my class have already improved a lot! I totally feel that on my deadline to apply for a job on April 15^th I’ll be more than prepared!

I taught on Monday and taught more or less a full round, although I couldn’t remember the finale I was able to improvise one, and of course I didn’t learn the official legs or abs section but I’ve taken the class enough that I can piece the workout together on the fly.

Yesterday I was at work and I just so happened to have clothes anyway and leena, mayer and rosa were at the little gym there and asked me to teach.

 

I was able to teach up to the turbo and do a quick cool down and head out.

I’m happy and very excited about teaching, and I look forward to developing my coaching skills and perfecting my form. I defiantly would enjoy a career in this field.

With that, I’ve decided I don’t like accounting/administrative positions. I mean, there is money in them, as I do make a considerable amount of money now that I’m in it, but I seriously don’t enjoy work.

I was considering going back to SDSU to get an MBA, but I may go for a Masters in Physiological Biology. That way, I can qualify to work in biotech industries, or work in nutrition and fitness. Plus I’ll have a Masters degree, so if anything doesn’t make it, I can always teach.

 

Not to mention my bachelors is in Psychology, a very biological oriented degree that has deep roots in chemistry and its relation to the human body. I think me having a BA in Psych and an MA in Bio would be excellent for a career in fitness or biological research. What do you think?

Not to mention, I have a high enough GPA to be accepted into a graduate program for Molecular Biology!

 

Maybe I WILL return to school this year!

 

On top of it, I have to confess, I’m in love with Claudia, and she’s going to have my babies, well my philosophical babies.

 

Haha anyway, seriously though, I thought of a business we could open together. After I have more biological qualifications, we could open a luxury private fitness center in an affluent city like La Jolla.

 

 It would be smaller, but would only offer excellent and quality machines with the frills like TV’s mounted in each machine, and martial art or exotic fitness classes. All the while offering nutrition counseling and multiple types of massage as a part of the membership package.  It would be more of a fitness and health center or spa. What do you think?

Wanna invest?

 

We’ll call it Morpheus Spa and Fitness Center. As in Morpheus, the god of sleep and rest and our logo could the black lotus flower.

 Oooo I’m getting excited!

 

Looking forward to the Future.

 

 

Peace cabrones

 

Joey

 

I taught my first class of turbo!

I taught my first session of turbo yesterday! So, I’ve been practicing with Claudia once a week and after our most recent jam session I started to feel it click, as in I didn’t need to count but generally knew where the moves should be in relation to the beat of the music. I had gotten to the point where I could talk to Claudia while doing the round and was able to give more complex cueing while breaking down difficult moves. At the company I work for we have a small gym that employees can use, I offered some of my lady co-workers an opportunity to try out a turbo kick lesson for free of course so I may practice teaching people that have never taken cardio classes before. Not to mention it is convenient for me to teach a class right after work to vent out some stress. I plan on doing this at my work for some time and until I’ve completed my ACE certification so I’m really prepared when I audition for a job. Last night was the first class I’ve ever really taught to someone. The tiny group there had NEVER taken a group exercise class. I started by sampling all the moves and explaining things like a twist or a bob and weave, and went over the importance of form and injury prevention. When I started teaching I had forgotten how difficult turbo is to follow the first time you ever take it! My participant did very well though for the first time however, but I was able to modify the round and simplify it to the point that I could be followed reasonably well for a first timer. During the round I noticed how hard my class was working, I had turned up the intensity the entire time because I was nervous and was trying too hard to display energy and to have flawless form while teaching. I realized though that I was working out my newbies too much! I took the opportunity for the first time to switch to low intensity and reassured how important it is to work out at your own pace. I did the turbo (only once! They were TIRED!) I moved onto the recovery ending in the abs and cool down as I’m not so quite confident on the finale and beyond yet. However I’m going finish learning the round tonight with Claudia and I will try to teach all sections of the round Monday night to my coworkers. My class was totally impressed and even some of my co-worker skeptics were turned into believers and look forward to my next lesson. I also have more people attending my next lesson on Monday because of the good word that my class put out! I already need a bigger gym! -Stoked -Joey

Discovering My Muse

riday, February 20, 2009 

Discovering my Muse
Current mood: accomplished
I guess you could say regardless of whatever I’ve accomplished you could say I’ve had issues. Emotional, physical, whatever other generic synonym you could use to label the category I’m sure I’ve had an issue with it. 

I was driving to work today, listening to my iPod through the car stereo, and I came across orchestrated music that I used to love in high school. I had a reflective nostalgic moment that ended in a disturbing brief mental collapse.

I couldn’t seem to gather some sort of cognitive resilience to provide a reason for my daily toil. I couldn’t provide a reason that it was 6 in the morning, and I was driving nearly 35 miles to get to a job that I find pointless. 


Why was I working so hard, and so much? To be respected by others, or acquire some sort of satisfaction through academia? Is the ability to purchase material things, or control people (pay for labor) really worth all this? What happened to that kid that could spend a full day listening to a cello, a viola, a piano, what happened to not needing a reason to create or compose, but to do it for the sake of novelty, and self discovery? 

What the FUCK am I doing and why am I not happy?


It was a strange austere moment, it was as if through a whole lifetime looking at others through a critical eye; being judgmental, hypercritical, disparaging, that I had forgotten to step out in front of a mirror and let what I have become, what I have made myself into, be criticized by that same eye. 

It was a horrifying feeling, to not understand why I exist as I do. I was felt as if I were ghastly, staring into a fabricated mirror that failed to reveal a reflection. All I could see was a lack of creation, a lack of purpose, a living façade designed to appear complete.

It’s so easy to reveal the demons of others, their failures, their weakness, and then utilize the shortcomings of others and conceal them from your own image, to disguise weakness, shroud ignorance, and even hide fears from yourself.

I was nothing more than a salesman that constantly sold myself a product that stated who and what I was. True this could have been an acquired trait through my 23 years of life, or a long term lesson learned to stop thinking about who or what I was, and to just act like who or what I am. I guess I was meddling where I don’t belong in thoughts of antiquity, to be, or not to be, is that REALLY the question? eh?


For once I felt as if I was a man. I had never felt that I could be referred to as a man; I was merely a young male, or still a boy. To be able to stand in front of that mirror, and not convince myself that I was great, to not ignore my shortcomings, but to stand there and reflect, to take in what I am and as I exist in completion. To find the strength to confront my weakness and incorporate it into my being, to stop hiding from myself and to finally grow, as a man, as an individual.


My muse to exist as I do, is nothing more than my reflection. An unaltered, imperfect reflection. However the desire to change how I see my reflection, to see it complete, unaltered is what keeps my muse for existence strong. To be able to improve my critical eye, so only a genuine image is reflected in that cruel mirror; an image that I can stare back at with a stern critical eye and say, “This is Joseph Perry.”




My muse comes from me, and as a man it is my ordained responsibility to provide the strength for my muse to survive, or else I shouldn’t bother referring to myself as a man, but as a boy.


-Peace cabrones

--Joey