Jus' bloggin 06/19/11

BLOG 06/19/11

Another semester gone by!

This was a hectic semester. I have a mathematic weakness that basically stems from my childhood. I’m great with theoretical concepts even very complex ones, however throw some numbers in the mix and I’m like Huuuuur?!

Anyway, I still did very well over the chem and molec bio classes I completed this semester. I learned a lot from the hands on laboratory experience and definitely feel more like a “scientist.”

I was convinced by my friends to go to Hawaii based on the utilization of an inexpensive time share and by the sheer luck that I got a plane ticket at almost half price. Simply an amazing experience, and I now understand why VACATIONING is SOOO important to so many people. I will definitely plan to vacation again in the future. I’ll probably blog about that experience soon.

I’ve kind of become a little unmotivatated recently simply based on the magnitude of what I am attempting to accomplish academically with limited resources and a pressing time line. I definitely wish I had taken these courses when I finished a BA, but of course the allure of just “getting a degree” without any insight into a real career or making money got to me in my younger days. I don’t loathe my previous education; I just wish it held more value than it currently does.

Basically I have a lot to accomplish this summer as well.

I’m taking an accelerated pre-cal right now to prep to re-take the GRE, and to take physics in the fall. However since this class is an incomplete form of pre-cal, I actually have to test out of the subject before I can continue to calc or physics. If I don’t pass, I literally add another YEAR to my academic time line, and at the age of 25, doing any more prereqs will literally drive me insane.

On top of that, in August I need to re-take the GRE –REVISED, which changes the format of the test which I had previously studied for. On this test I basically need an incredible score as well as I am seeking financial support to do doctoral work.

In the fall I’m going to be taking an organic chem course, physics and calc at the same time. Sometimes I get a bit envious of fellow students that hail from old-money sources that simply just go to school as their job. I guess I shouldn’t hate too much, at least I’m capable of taking these courses and the fact that I earn my own way through it is gratifying in a cosmical sense.

Also in august I need to go through my list of potential schools that I want to apply to for admittance. The four states where I would be willing to move to I’ve decided are Cali (of course), Florida, Hawaii, or Massachusetts. It’s actually very time consuming. In the process of just simply researching the many schools to which I apply, you have to look up what research projects are in the works and who is working on them. Then you kind of have to be an e-stalker and look up a short biography of the principal investigator (scientist) you’re looking to work with. All of this research goes into a customized letter of intent to each program you apply to.

In addition it costs ~ $80 per application eeegh.

Oh well, when you want something difficult out of life, it’s the hard work that makes it worth it right?

A nursery story I read about recently has become a source of inspiration.

Tortoise and the Hair.

Slow and steady wins the race!

-Joey

Individual Significance blog 03/07/11

Blog 03/07/11

Heard a couple powerful statements this week, some were by people unaware of what they were actually saying.

In regards to the value of life:

“What value do they have to ones such as we?”

“We all die, and that’s what makes life valuable.”

“Would you kill someone in Africa for a billion dollars right now?” – “Yes, definitely.”

“I wish we could just get rid of mentally ill people somehow.”

In regards to Hiroshima and Nagasaki:

“I only wish we hit China and Korea too.”

In regards to Chernobyl:

“Death is the price you pay when you don’t raise your people right.”

In regards to moral reasoning:

“Most people’s opinion on politics and religion are gotten at second hand without much thought.”

These statements aren’t taken out of context and are presented in entirety. While the statements may be offensive or disturbing keep in mind 5 out of the 7 presented here came from devout religious individuals. Even more so, keep in mind the specific statement(s) you consider to be offensive may be insightful to another and so on.

I don’t consider myself holier than thou, nor more intelligent or capable than most. In addition I’ve been told that I am difficult to approach or communicate with. I’m notorious for being I’m callous to the immediate emotional wants of others, and intimidate others with resolute solutions to problems that I portray as being “below me”.

However for many, I’ve been told I’m the only source of honest feedback, a trusted friend, a confidant that doesn’t judge, a catalyst for the improvement of others, and a precocious young adult.

I’ve noticed the difference between the two perceptions of my behavior lie within the eye of that specific beholder, as opposed to actual schisms within my own personality. Those that are more willing to admit to a lack of knowledge and pursue truth within evidence tend to understand my mentality of crude skepticism as canonical to their development of moral reasoning. The latter, not so much and view my methods as invasive, inappropriate, and unnecessary.

C'est la vie -

When figuring out for yourself which of these statements is more offensive than others, ask yourself just how valuable you are. Then ask how valuable your family and friends are, and compare your own value against theirs. From there, ask how valuable the occupants of texas, congress, California, mexico, Haiti, London, Russia etc are. Once again compare your value against the individuals of the respective groups mentioned.

When you’re done wasting time, did you realize that placing value ratings on the lives of others was for starters not easy, and second too subjective to have any significant value? Did you seem to have a strong bias to your own value? What do you think would happen when someone from Russia has to make the decision about who or what is most valuable, will you be considered significant?

While it is painful to embrace the fact of just how insignificant each and every single one of us is, it helps to put in perspective that we’re all insignificant together. –Joey P

Altruism, and an austere respect for life is the way to live my friends.

-Joey. P

Death of our Past

Recently through talking to friends I’ve made note of a trend that we as a culture kind of generally share.

“We were so stupid when we were young.”

In retrospect it’s easy to see the correct path we were supposed to take, the relationships we shouldn’t have invested in, or the priorities and mentalities we should have maintained. It’s that one magical situation called hindsight. However with hindsight, there is so much bias that goes unnoticed. Emotions associated with those times are lost, the contemporary perception of what’s important at that time in our lives is diminuated, and the thought processes associated with previous decision making are impossible to re-fabricate.

Not that it’s wrong to say “I was so stupid back then.” Everybody probably lives with the regret of poor decision making especially when it stemmed from a lack of maturity at some point.

In short – we change with time, so much that if we were capable of holding a conversation with our previous selves, it would probably be an argument. At least that’s what I think would happen if I was able to discuss with my 18 year old self about the facts of life and what really matters in the world. I’m sure my 35 year old self will think my 25 year old self (now) is utterly stupid for how I’m handling things. It’s ok though, my 35 self should be grateful that 25 year old Joey is living as he is.

“Let my future self writhe with enmity for how I’ve lived, I don’t care. For the sake of my own development the person that exists today would have committed suicide. My remnants would persevere merely as a distorted memory to my own harsh judgment filled with an undeserving righteous clairvoyance.” –Joey. P

And I’m not saying our personalities change, even though of course it’s very possible. However I’m talking about our sense of perception, and our wealth of information. Through the acquisition of knowledge, both epistemic and rote memory we are able to make better decisions. However this acquisition takes time, and like every other thing in our lives, it isn’t FREE.

And no, I’m not a proprietor of any predetermined causation or fate; however shit happens, learn from it, then get over it.

I personally have made countless mistakes that originated from a lack of insight, a sense of direction and of course, maturity. Keep in mind I’ve maintained this self inflated image of having this well endowed sense of sophistication in my reasoning abilities that excelled above my peers since I was 16. Obviously there is something either wrong with my sense of perception, or there is no upper ceiling to my reasoning potential as I would hope to have developed by leaps and bounds in my capabilities since the age of 16.

One of the tools that I’m so glad I’ve used since I started college back in the day was the blog. Basically a diary online, but so amazing. I really only blogged when something bothered me, or I felt I needed to communicate some idea but found it difficult to articulate via discussion.

Up until recently I thought of my youthful self as an immature kid with a lack of priority that kind of sabotaged my future. Not that I was a bad kid or anything, but I definitely felt that I’ve wasted a lot of time not accomplishing as much as I should have.

I even have resented my formal education in Psychology, seeing it no more valuable than an education in home economics.

One amazing thing that I discovered however; was that young Joey was an amazing thinker. Really though. For fun, I wrote pages upon pages on abstract concepts such as the birth of moral reasoning adding onto the work of Kohlberg. I further dissected of Jungian archetypes, and found new ways to support the abjuration of fallacies in my daily life. I tackled and stated boldly the conceptual problems of eternal existence, morality, and discovery of self purpose. I accomplished discovering what it is I value in life, and what I was willing to do to protect it.

I went against my upbringing both in fear and moral duty via the pen. Not only did I define for myself the difference between right and wrong, I then took up rhetorical arms and boldly stood alone to defend what I believed to be right.

Even further, I influenced those close to me to behave similarly, to develop. The young Joey was a catalyst of improvement to others. That’s an accomplishment!

In addition I had forgotten the trials and tribulations I dealt with at the time. They were self shattering events alluring to the macabre and the destruction of my childhood. The act of becoming a man itself in our culture isn’t easy.

How could I just easily judge young Joey as a mindless idiot that plotted to hold back his future?

The answer is I can’t.

And in hindsight, I’m thankful I was the person I was at the time. I don’t think I would be as strong or as capable as I am today without my past self pushing his own boundaries to become stronger. In the death of my old self, may the man I am now keep a positive memory of who I used to be, without the distortion of regret causing me to lay blame.

I am what I have created. Nothing more, and of course, nothing less.

- Joey P.