Recently through talking to friends I’ve made note of a trend that we as a culture kind of generally share.
“We were so stupid when we were young.”
In retrospect it’s easy to see the correct path we were supposed to take, the relationships we shouldn’t have invested in, or the priorities and mentalities we should have maintained. It’s that one magical situation called hindsight. However with hindsight, there is so much bias that goes unnoticed. Emotions associated with those times are lost, the contemporary perception of what’s important at that time in our lives is diminuated, and the thought processes associated with previous decision making are impossible to re-fabricate.
Not that it’s wrong to say “I was so stupid back then.” Everybody probably lives with the regret of poor decision making especially when it stemmed from a lack of maturity at some point.
In short – we change with time, so much that if we were capable of holding a conversation with our previous selves, it would probably be an argument. At least that’s what I think would happen if I was able to discuss with my 18 year old self about the facts of life and what really matters in the world. I’m sure my 35 year old self will think my 25 year old self (now) is utterly stupid for how I’m handling things. It’s ok though, my 35 self should be grateful that 25 year old Joey is living as he is.
“Let my future self writhe with enmity for how I’ve lived, I don’t care. For the sake of my own development the person that exists today would have committed suicide. My remnants would persevere merely as a distorted memory to my own harsh judgment filled with an undeserving righteous clairvoyance.” –Joey. P
And I’m not saying our personalities change, even though of course it’s very possible. However I’m talking about our sense of perception, and our wealth of information. Through the acquisition of knowledge, both epistemic and rote memory we are able to make better decisions. However this acquisition takes time, and like every other thing in our lives, it isn’t FREE.
And no, I’m not a proprietor of any predetermined causation or fate; however shit happens, learn from it, then get over it.
I personally have made countless mistakes that originated from a lack of insight, a sense of direction and of course, maturity. Keep in mind I’ve maintained this self inflated image of having this well endowed sense of sophistication in my reasoning abilities that excelled above my peers since I was 16. Obviously there is something either wrong with my sense of perception, or there is no upper ceiling to my reasoning potential as I would hope to have developed by leaps and bounds in my capabilities since the age of 16.
One of the tools that I’m so glad I’ve used since I started college back in the day was the blog. Basically a diary online, but so amazing. I really only blogged when something bothered me, or I felt I needed to communicate some idea but found it difficult to articulate via discussion.
Up until recently I thought of my youthful self as an immature kid with a lack of priority that kind of sabotaged my future. Not that I was a bad kid or anything, but I definitely felt that I’ve wasted a lot of time not accomplishing as much as I should have.
I even have resented my formal education in Psychology, seeing it no more valuable than an education in home economics.
One amazing thing that I discovered however; was that young Joey was an amazing thinker. Really though. For fun, I wrote pages upon pages on abstract concepts such as the birth of moral reasoning adding onto the work of Kohlberg. I further dissected of Jungian archetypes, and found new ways to support the abjuration of fallacies in my daily life. I tackled and stated boldly the conceptual problems of eternal existence, morality, and discovery of self purpose. I accomplished discovering what it is I value in life, and what I was willing to do to protect it.
I went against my upbringing both in fear and moral duty via the pen. Not only did I define for myself the difference between right and wrong, I then took up rhetorical arms and boldly stood alone to defend what I believed to be right.
Even further, I influenced those close to me to behave similarly, to develop. The young Joey was a catalyst of improvement to others. That’s an accomplishment!
In addition I had forgotten the trials and tribulations I dealt with at the time. They were self shattering events alluring to the macabre and the destruction of my childhood. The act of becoming a man itself in our culture isn’t easy.
How could I just easily judge young Joey as a mindless idiot that plotted to hold back his future?
The answer is I can’t.
And in hindsight, I’m thankful I was the person I was at the time. I don’t think I would be as strong or as capable as I am today without my past self pushing his own boundaries to become stronger. In the death of my old self, may the man I am now keep a positive memory of who I used to be, without the distortion of regret causing me to lay blame.
I am what I have created. Nothing more, and of course, nothing less.
- Joey P.
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